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at a loss August 28, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — serviceunavailable @ 9:25 pm

I was at a funeral today…didn’t know him all that well…so I was one of those who stood expressionless, almost wooden. His family was besides themselves in grief. I look at them, and I know I don’t know how they feel; I haven’t lost a father.

As always, the mind begins to wander. I remember how I felt when I lost someone very close to me. Its not a place I like visiting or acknowledging…but this always runs through my mind at funerals. I don’t like going back there. Makes me feel very sad. I’m good at ignoring things like that. Unhealthy I guess, but easier.

Funerals sometimes make me want to cry. But an idiot I would look like if I cried for someone I barely knew, so I stop myself.

No-one else really knows what you’re going through at moments like that. They make you think they know. Those reassuring pats, kisses, holding of hands – they think that’ll make the pain go away. It doesn’t.

They pretend to cry, force unwilling tears to roll down their cheeks, speak mournfully. That irks me!

I hate being on the other side…what do you say to the grieving wife, husband, daughter, son? Deepest sympathies?


Again! August 27, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — serviceunavailable @ 4:31 am

Someone, next time, remind me to never go way out and help a friend…because invariably you get bitten, burnt and all of that shit! You do! Trust me!

I helped a friend recently, to such lengths, that I don’t think I’ve ever done before…and what happens? She turns around and accuses me of not doing enough! WTF!

And now it turns out that she’s keeping her distance…sucks doesn’t it? Aren’t the good guys supposed to triumph at the end? Doesn’t the good guy pull through?

Its not like she’s some new acquaintance…I’ve known her for years on end, and we are pretty close…but I think its quite petty to think that this friendship got ruined over such a sordid thing as a boy! Really! How boring! But that’s how it is…for her atleast…

She makes small talk with me, at which I’m enraged…but not in the mood to confront, so I turn monosyllabic. She sends me emails telling me what she thought I should have done…again, not feeling confrontational, so I don’t reply…

Honestly, I’m upset, a wee bit hurt too…but as the man keeps saying…I never learn!

Its true, its happened before.