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horrid day October 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — serviceunavailable @ 2:24 pm

Enveloped in desolateness

Nothing helps pick me up

Not feel-good songs, cigarettes, pretty thoughts

Nothing.

What is it that cramps my insides?

Makes me want to hide

Run away, far away

That island sounds nice right about now

If only wishes could come true

At a snap of my fingers, or a pitter-patter of my heartbeat

Hope is never a pretty thing

Disappointment comes hand-in-hand

It always does

Under the sheets, crawl, sleep.

Anything to not feel this misery

Reality always kicks in, and it’s never good

I have to keep going, doing the things I do

Numbly, zombie-like, without feeling

Take me away, where I will never cry

And there’s always butterflies.

 

block October 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — serviceunavailable @ 7:46 pm

there is a need to write, to say something. but nothing really comes to mind. but needless to say, i feel the need to write something anyways. almost like the themissingsandwich did.

its poya right now. drinking is almost impossible unless a good friend has a bottle of spirits tucked away somewhere. too lazy to potter around and find one. have work to do, but i’ve been procrastinating for a while. watched tv. friends. vma awards. interesting, kinky shit, like pink, singing on a trapeze, exposes a boobie, but censor square is tucked in so swiftly, i missed the view. sigh. so much for a bit of excitement on a friday night.

this rain. love it and hate it. rain it must when i’m indoors and have no plans of stepping out. a good book, no work lying on my shoulders, and there is a need to aimlessly drift around. sounds almost luxurious. i’ll even dare to say i wish the sun would shine so i could do my laundry.

miss my red tail catfish. they died a fortnight ago. faulty switch stopped the filter. it was a horrible saturday morning. haven’t visited their grave since. its almost like losing a child. don’t know what that feels like, hope i never do.

perhaps the twin nieces aged 3 will come to visit tomorrow. that should be fun. it ensues lots of splashing in the baby pool. colouring. a visit to mcdonald’s perhaps. lots of aimless chatting with 3 year olds can be therapeutic, and also make one wonder if having babies is still a good idea.

play in december. inhibitions still at high levels. some kind of awful person in my brain keeps telling me i’ll probably never be great. i’ll settle for good. determined to keep trying. perhaps someday.

work – love it. boss – hate that bitch. almost tempted to not renew my contract, but the fear that i’ll be a corporate loser is what is stopping me. maybe i’ll wait for the babies and then quit. i don’t really know right now. the brother says i should never ask him for opinions. he sucks at it.